VOL. 111 PASSING (monologue from The Ume Group's Passing)

Time is passing, and I cannot do anything about it.
like sand passing through my fingers.
Water flows in a river,
Clouds floats in the sky,
Leaves fall on the ground.
Things keep changing, and I cannot stop them. 

I was so aware of this while I was taking care of my mom who was passing.
 Every minute, every second, every breath was precious to me.

Cooking for her, eating meals together,
and listening to her fearless stories before her marriage.
We laughed a lot.
She was the funniest human being I have ever met. 

Walking together, watching her baby pink roses in front of the house. 
Taking bath together, and there,
I heard secret stories between mom and papa, which no one knows about. 

Assisting her to change clothes, assisting her to eat food,
And assisting her toilet business. 
You know, wiping her butt.
And we laughed.
Because she wiped my butt when I was a baby. 
Switching roles. 

Watching her sleep peacefully at night.
Holding each other,
And just be. 
That was enough for me. 
And I was so aware that this moment would pass too.
And only I could do was
To remember this moment- 
Like carving it in my heart. 

Time is ephemeral.
And I learned.
I learned the word, "ephemeral"
I experienced it. 
I am experiencing it now. 

 I want to freeze the time. 
But I can't. 
I just want to BE in this moment- forever.
But I know
That is not happening.
I know
I know
I know

In the production, I used the recording voice of my mom speaking how genius (lol) she was when she was 14, who created cross gender production, and she played male hero/bad boy fights for justice. She produced, directed, fight-choreographed. When I asked her about the production on the phone, she cited the monologue which she did like 60 years ago. It was 3 years ago- before her illness took her ability to speak to entertain without coughing.
I used her voice as my solo dance music, and I danced about Time during the Ume Group's Passing.