I have been taking care of my mother who has a non-curable disease. It has been a month now since I started to live with her. What I have been learning about love is... accepting everything that appears in front of me, and being flexible to her needs, and breathing with her. She has been suffering, and in pain and of course she is scared--, yet, she is trying to live in this very moment. What I can do is be with her and accept anything and everything. Love does this effortlessly. I am exhausted, but I am fulfilled. 

unconditional love. 
That is what she has been giving me. ​

“Theatre and Butoh”  

By Yokko (Published from The Ume Group website Jan. 2015) 

I have been asked this type of questions or told several times. “You were an actress before, right?” “You came from Theatre, and now you are doing Butoh.” “You do act too?!”  It is funny that the common comments couple years ago were, “Are you a dancer too?” and I usually answered, “No, I am an actor who can move well.” I think people did not have the idea of “physical Theatre” years ago. Now, Physical Theatre is pretty popular. Butoh is a contemporary dance form from Japan.  Yes, I understand that people who I met within a year think I am a Butoh performer.  Yes, that is right. I do perform it, practice it, and I even teach Butoh especially past year I have been strongly focusing on Butoh. But, even people who have seen my acting work before told me, “You are former actress.”  I asked myself, am I a former actress? But, I have never quit acting.  Yes, I am deeply in love with Butoh, but that does not mean I should throw myself from who I have been. Then the question rises. Is butoh and theatre or acting difference? If I really commit butoh, should I not be an actor? If I am an actor, should I not call myself a butoh performer? 


As we all know, during the ancient time, people dance, sing, and act naturally. The theatre is born from shamanism in both western and eastern. I can just compare between Greece and Japan here. Greek myth and Japanese myth have a lot of common. Same stories, same type of characters and gods/spirits. Only differences are our (Japanese) sun god is a female, AMaTeRaSu, and Greek sun god is well-known Zeus. Western Theatre developed from Greek Theatre which is inspired by Greek myth. Japanese Theatre developed the similar way as well.  Even though Greek myth became a myth, Japanese myth is still close to our daily life. We worship nature, appreciate living, and being with living ones in nature (Shintoism). However, modern Japanese culture after world war II, we had been throwing our spirituality, identity, and trying to become someone else, a western people till very recently. (In my opinion it has been changing this past years. We bring more attention to a beauty of our own culture.) Butoh was founded after World War II as a response of the funders toward the modern Japanese culture at that time. It rooted deeply ancient Japanese culture- Shamanism, and calling who we really are, where we are from, and really living a moment. It is very essential element to me in theatre too. Characters are “living” in a play. We tell a story in theatre. So as Butoh. You may not hear many words from Butoh performances, but your five senses receive the story. When you see a good Buoh performance, you feel the human presence which is the stage presence in theatre. Is Butoh different from theatre? I think Butoh is in Theatre, at the same time Butoh is out of Theatre. 


Butoh is a human dance. I used to describe this way to people when I was asked. Now, I say, Butoh is a dance of Inochi (life/being/soul). This is a direct quote from the one of funders, Kazuo Ono, and when I heard this, it grabbed my heart. No other word needs to describe. Butoh is not only for human beings nor of human being. There is a famous Japanese children song, names “my palm to the sun.” 


We are all living
We sing because we are living
We are all living
We are sad because we are living
If I bring my palm to the sun and look through it
I can see flowing my red blood
Even an earthworm, even an cricket, 
and even a water strider, 
Every one of being, we are all living
We are all friend. 


We are all living
We laugh because we are living
We are all living, 
We are happy because we are all living
If I bring my palm to the sun, and look through it
I can see flowing my red blood
Even a dragon fly, even a flog, 
And even a honeybee
Every one of being, we are all living
We are all friend


We are all living
We dance because we are living
We are all living
We love because we are all living
If I bring my palm to the sun, and look through it
I can see flowing my red blood
Even a sparrow, even a locust, 
And even a mayfly, 
Every one of beings, we are all living
We are all friend. 


I can sing this song anytime, and if you can ask any Japanese about this song, almost every single of them recognize this song. We are all living. A plant, a flower, an animal, and even the earth. They have a life; we are living. And As Kazuo Sensei says, Butoh is a dance of Inochi/life, we as a performer sometimes is becoming a flower, and living a life of the flower, or an insect or an animal. I have also seeing a mayfly as a character in western theatre as well. The actors and the director did not have a butoh training for sure, but they were living as a mayfly and dies as a mayfly. I have read a play about cockroach in Middle Eastern Theatre. I am sure there are many plays like that in the world. What is the most attract to me is we are all being. It does not matter you are from east or west or race or even human or animal or insect or plant. And we all somehow know it in subconscious level. Now I do not even care what is theatre or what is butoh. We are all living in this planet. 


Few years ago, I crushed on Butoh. I was in Vangeline’s class, my dearest teacher. Under her guide, I dived into deep place where I could only tap into during my first year acting training at Actors Studio MFA.  The reason I wanted to get in Actors Studio’s program is that they offer the training to learn the acting craft. I still remembered the interview there. The faculty asked me what do I expect to learn from the program. And I answered immediately. “I want to live as a character, I want to breathe as a character.  I want to open the door!” My first year training there was such a ritualistic experience. I met my darkness, and explore it, I moved body with my subconscious, I met my spiritual animal, and I became the animal, I became a character in the painting, and explore a character’s darkness, lightness. It was many ritualistic experiences throughout the year. The training created my base I have now.  So the moment I met Butoh, I felt the connection between acting craft and butoh craft.  And my soul resonated to it.  We – as an actor let ourselves be moved my characters. For me, Butoh is the same way. It is a dance of life.  But I still would like to say, a human dance as well.  We – humans have both dark side and light side. We do. And that is natural. And many characters in a play are humans. We struggle, we try to live, and survive this world. I adore those humanness. Actor’s job is to put a life into the character who is written, and make the character to three dimensional- real human being, and living. Living. I do not want to categorize things, but sometimes helps people to understand things as well. Theatre, Acting, and Butoh. I am a theatre artist, actress, and butoh performer. Or I am a human being. Which do I prefer to be?