| ENDING IS BEGINNING When something is ending, I feel all sorts of feelings; nostalgia, fulfillment, relief, impatience, clinging, longing, caring and more... many colors of feelings many sounds of feelings many textures of feelings all mixing inside my body I am standing at the point between past and future; A present moment. I'm bearing all those past memories and feelings, and I'm facing the future- unknown, unlimited future. Those things do not vanish; They will live inside of me, With me To the future. A new adventure is waiting. |  mom's roses, taken by Krzysztof Sienkiewicz |
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Interruption - Unexpected breaks or intrusions disrupt flow or routine. Resonance - The ripple effects of disturbance. One event affects everything around it. Disconnection- Miscommunication, isolation, or broken connections. Transformation - Disturbance as a catalyst for change or metamorphosis. Turbulence - Chaos, conflict, or unsettling motion. Equilibrium- Disturbance can eventually lead to balance or harmony, or the process of finding stability after chaos.
-Yokko, March 10, 2025
Looking back at the year of 2024,
I am recalling a moment of: joy & sad challenging & blessing peaceful & chaotic, moments I want to let go of, moments I want to cherish, and all those moments became memories. Thousands and millions of memories, like stars in the sky. And those memories have created who I am today. And now, Facing 2025, I am feeling all sorts of feelings. All I can do is... breathing. Breathing in this moment Living in this moment and, let myself to be open to unlimited possibilities, and, taking an action to achieve what I supposed to do. Ending leads to beginning. New Year New Encounter New Opportunity New Moment and, New Breath I have seen that the trees are losing their leaves; The leaves are blown by the wind, Flying into the sky And going down onto the ground The air gets drier and drier; the temperature has been finally settled to be colder, and not hotter. things keep changing everywhere and anywhere. We put more clothes on, layer by layer. Our bellies crave a warm soup with roots veggies and proteins. Our skins need oils and creams for hydration. Listening to Nature outside and inside of us, It tells us what we need to keep our balances. Every day, daytime is shortening and night time is lengthening. When we see our breath visible in the air, Winter is coming in the corner. The time of incubating. The time of cultivating. It is the time to slow down and rest Till the wind disturbs us into the next cycle.  Time is passing, and I cannot do anything about it. like sand passing through my fingers. Water flows in a river, Clouds floats in the sky, Leaves fall on the ground. Things keep changing, and I cannot stop them. I was so aware of this while I was taking care of my mom who was passing. Every minute, every second, every breath was precious to me. Cooking for her, eating meals together, and listening to her fearless stories before her marriage. We laughed a lot. She was the funniest human being I have ever met. Walking together, watching her baby pink roses in front of the house. Taking bath together, and there, I heard secret stories between mom and papa, which no one knows about. Assisting her to change clothes, assisting her to eat food, And assisting her toilet business. You know, wiping her butt. And we laughed. Because she wiped my butt when I was a baby. Switching roles. Watching her sleep peacefully at night. Holding each other, And just be. That was enough for me. And I was so aware that this moment would pass too. And only I could do was To remember this moment- Like carving it in my heart. Time is ephemeral. And I learned. I learned the word, "ephemeral" I experienced it. I am experiencing it now. I want to freeze the time. But I can't. I just want to BE in this moment- forever. But I know That is not happening. I know I know I know
In the production, I used the recording voice of my mom speaking how genius (lol) she was when she was 14, who created cross gender production, and she played male hero/bad boy fights for justice. She produced, directed, fight-choreographed. When I asked her about the production on the phone, she cited the monologue which she did like 60 years ago. It was 3 years ago- before her illness took her ability to speak to entertain without coughing.
I used her voice as my solo dance music, and I danced about Time during the Ume Group's Passing.
The cursed soul who has carried on a sin from a previous life is on the bottom of the lake in a dark forest. Warm, heavy, slow wind moves the surface of the lake. The sound of water and tree branches and leaves The creature on the bottom of the lake is Slowly coming up to the surface of the water. the moment when the heavy water is lifted up The moon light appears Between thick rain clouds in the dark sky The horns of the buck, The nails of Eagle, Eye of Ogre, Alligator mouth, long torso with snake skin. As this creature is quietly creeping toward the edge of the lake, it is transforming into a human form of woman. Driven by desires which have never been fulfilled Where will this cursed soul go? Will the curse ever been cleansed? 
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RGS Blog: KaYuGen
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